« MLB: National League All Star Watch, Pt. I »

This post also can be viewed at Blogcritics.

It comes as no shock I have a lot of time on my hands, until the naive corporate man decides to pay me a yearly salary for no good reason.

So I spend some caffeinated nights on this laptop looking up baseball stats, wondering who deserves to play in the All-Star game in Detroit this July.

I haven't ruled out going to it, since it's just an hour drive. Of course, the Futon Report would be more like a Bleacher Report if that happened. I still wouldn't interview anyone, though. People scare me.

And since it's only May and the ballot results are comparable to a larva, here's a rundown of my highly accurate* power charts by position. Notable stats are in parentheses. "OPS" is a weird stat: on-base percentage plus slugging percentage. It's not a ratio that can be put into words, but it's a good revealing stat that measures one's offensive output.

Here's the National League rankings. American League will come later, because my battery is starting to quickly dwindle.

Catcher:
1. Paul Lo Duca, Marlins (.336 BA, 2 HR, 15 RBI)
2. Mike Piazza, Mets (.242 BA, 6 HR, 22 RBI)
3. Ramon Hernandez, Padres (.304 BA, 4 HR, 20 RBI)
4. Mike Matheny, Giants (.252 BA, 4 HR, 19 RBI)
5. Michael Barrett, Cubs (.278 BA, 4 HR, 18 RBI)

First Base:
1. Derrek Lee, Cubs (.362 BA, 12 HR, 37 RBI, 1.156 OPS)
2. Albert Pujols, Cardinals (.331 BA, 10 HR, 33 RBI, 27 runs)
3. Todd Helton, Rockies (.323 BA, 5 HR, 19 RBI, .993 OPS)
4. Nick Johnson, Nationals (.321 BA, 6 HR, 24 RBI)
5. Lyle Overbay, Brewers (.313 BA, 7 HR, 26 RBI, 31 walks)

Second Base:
1. Mark Grudzielanek , Cardinals (.338 BA, 3 HR, 15 RBI)
2. Jeff Kent, Dodgers (.298 BA, 8 HR, 32 RBI, 1.000 fielding pct)
3. Craig Biggio, Astros (.298 BA, 7 HR, 22 RBI)
4. Craig Counsell, Diamondbacks (.294 BA, 1 HR, 9 RBI, .423 OBP)
5. Mark Loretta, Padres (.300 BA, 0 HR, 13 RBI)

Third Base:
1. Chipper Jones, Braves (.333 BA, 7 HR, 22 RBI, .1.094 OPS)
2. Troy Glaus, Diamondbacks (.281 BA, 12 HR, 31 RBI, 1.020 OPS)
3. Morgan Ensberg, Astros (.317 BA, 7 HR, 18 RBI, .421 OBP)
4. Vinny Castilla, Nationals (.301 BA, 4 HR, 23 RBI)
5. David Wright, Mets (.275 BA, 7 HR, 21 RBI)

Shortstop:
1. Clint Barmes, Rockies (.387 BA, 7 HR, 26 RBI, 1.042 OPS, 32 runs)
2. Cesar Izturis, Dodgers (.339 BA, 1 HR, 17 RBI, 28 runs)
3. David Eckstein, Cardinals (.313 BA, 1 HR, 12 RBI)
4. Omar Vizquel, Giants (.281 BA, 0 HR, 14 RBI, 9 SB)
5. Neifi Perez, Cubs (.282 BA, 4 HR, 14 RBI)

OF:
1. Bobby Abreu, Phillies (.336 BA, 12 HR, 33 RBI, 10 SB, 1.094 OPS)
2. Adam Dunn, Reds (.254 BA, 11 HR, 23 RBI, 1.058 OPS)
3. Miguel Cabrera, Marlins (.370 BA, 8 HR, 30 RBI, 1.024 OPS)
4. Jim Edmonds, Cardinals (.280 BA, 6 HR, 23 RBI, 25 walks)
5. Cliff Floyd, Mets (.298 BA, 11 HR, 28 RBI)
6. Milton Bradley, Dodgers (.325 BA, 10 HR, 25 RBI, 31 runs)
7. Andruw Jones, Braves (.294 BA, 11 HR, 27 RBI)
8. Brian Giles, Padres (.284 BA, 5 HR, 24 RBI, 28 runs, 34 walks)
9. Brady Clark, Brewers (.348 BA, 5 HR, 19 RBI, 32 runs)
10. Luis Gonzalez, Diamondbacks (.313 BA, 5 HR, 26 RBI, 28 runs)

Pitcher (starting):
1. Roger Clemens, Astros (3-1, 1.11 ERA, 57 IP, 60 K)
2. Dontrelle Willis, Marlins (7-1, 1.45 ERA, 56 IP, 46 K)
3. Josh Beckett, Marlins (6-3, 2.47 ERA, 54 2/3 IP, 57 K)
4. Brett Myers, Phillies (3-2, 1.63 ERA, 55 1/3 IP, 62 K)
5. Mike Hampton, Braves (4-1, 1.96 ERA, 55 IP, 21 K)
6. Jake Peavy, Padres (3-0, 2.57 ERA, 56 IP, 61 K)
7. John Smoltz, Braves (3-3, 2.83 ERA, 57 1/3 IP, 45 K)
8. Pedro Martinez, Mets (4-1, 3.38 ERA, 56 IP, 67 K)
9. Mark Prior, Cubs (3-1, 2.93 ERA, 46 IP, 52 IP)
10. Mark Redman, Pirates (2-3, 2.44 ERA, 55 1/3 IP, 26 K)

Pitcher (closing):
1. Jason Isringhausen, Cardinals (9/9 sv, 0.79 ERA)
2. Brandon Lyon, Diamondbacks (13/14 sv, 1.96 ERA)
3. Chad Cordero, Nationals (9/11 sv, 1.00 ERA)
4. Jose Mesa, Pirates (13/14 sv, 4.50 ERA)
5. Trevor Hoffman, Padres (13/15 sv, 2.76 ERA)

Edit: Fixed Smoltz's record. Used to be 3-0. It never was. I suck.