Monday, September 26, 2005

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By Matthew Cary

There have been many big news stories in the past few weeks, from hurricanes, to gas prices, to protests. But this morning I found a gem of a story. It didn't deal with politics or disasters or anything of that sort. Us Weekly reported that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore got married over the weekend.

The actor who is best known as the dumb kid on That 70's Show married his MILF girlfriend Saturday night. According to Us Weekly, the two were wed at Demi Moore's L.A. home. This wedding wasn't Demi's first. She has been married twice before.

Let's put this into perspective. Demi Moore is 42. Ashton Kutcher is 27. That is a 15 year difference. Not to mention he is only about 5 years older and she's 20 years older than your favorite writer. When Ashton was born, Demi was going on her first date. Demi was first married in 1980. Kutcher was about two years old at this time and probably wasn't potty trained yet. When her marriage ended in 1984, Ashton was probably wetting the bed. She then married Bruce Willis in 1987, and I'm betting the bed sheets were still wet. Her second wedding lasted much longer than her first, all the way until 2000, around the same time as when Ashton and his buddy Sean went on a kookie adventure in order to find a lost car.

I think this story would make a great made-for-TV movie. Of course the two lead roles would be played by newlyweds Ashton and Demi Moore-Willis-Kutcher. As far as casting for the guests at the wedding, they could have Bruce Willis play the supportive ex-husband with their three daughters; Rumer, Scout, and Tallulah. Also, the grooms reliable friend and TV sitcom co-star could be played by Wilmer Valderrama. For the bride's reliable friend and Hollywood hit movie co-star they could cast Lucy Liu. As a cameo appearance, one of the other guests could be Punky Brewster herself, Soleil Moon Frye.

This movie would be easy to produce since it would be an exact reinactment of what the wedding was really like.

I think the best part about Bruce and Demi's daughters being there is picturing them saying, "I always wanted a big brother." I just hope Demi was warned about the possiblity of waking up in a puddle.